"I am Sam. Sam I am."
-Intro to Dr. Suess' beloved children's book Green Eggs and Ham.
"I am SAHM. SAHM I am."
-Intro to my beloved new career.
SAHM, the acronym for Stay-At-Home-Mom. Its my job, its my title, its what I do. It used to bug me when the first question people asked when I met them is "What do you do?" I mean really really really bugged me. "I'm an accountant at the University," I would mumble. Because, why should I be immediately be defined by what I do? I wasn't proud of my job, I wasn't excited about my job, and the first thing people would say is "I hate numbers" or, "I could never do that, it'd be so boring!" Touché my friends. Although I love numbers fiercely, the work was very dull. I was always convinced that people would think that I was dull and would immediately start in on all the reasons I worked such a dull, dreadful job and how I was actually a fun and exciting human being. Ugh.
When we moved back to Minnesota from Montana I was so excited to be done with my "dreadful accounting job" and working my dream job of SAHM. Except, that it wasn't exactly what I thought it would be. Claire was 7 months old, Anna almost 3. There wasn't much we all enjoyed doing together as a threesome and I was struggling to find things to fill our days. I was lonely, anxious, mildly depressed and kicking myself for thinking this grass was going to be so much greener. I wasn't happy at all.
So, I decided to pursue my other dream job. I got a job as a baker. And for almost a year it really truly was a dream job. Someone was paying me to bake! I got some time away from the girls and when people asked me what I did for a living I proudly beamed "I'm a baker." And then the next question was always an inquiry about the time I had to get up in the morning. 4 am. That was the killer. For awhile it worked because I was so in love with this job. Mace made compromises, our family made compromises. I was tired all the time, I was cranky, the girls and I had dreadful afternoons after I got off work, things went downhill. Suddenly my dream job wasn't working for our family anymore.
Fast forward to now. I have restarted my dream job of SAHM. There are a few key things I have learned about being a SAHM that changed this job for me from lonely/anxious/depressed mom to happy/blessed/joyous mom. I am going to share these things in another post because they have been critical to my current success as a SAHM. And now, I'm proud to tell people what I do. I'm proud when people say "I could never do that, it'd be so hard to hang out with kids all day!" Yes, some days it is. Some days it totally sucks like every other job. But most days, most days are the most precious, awesome exciting days of my life. I get to be with two of my favorite people in the world all day long. My life feels full now. My heart is often on the verge of exploding because it is so full of love and gratitude. This is a very bold statement but: I am happier than I have ever been in my life. My dreams have come true.
I am SAHM. SAHM I am.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Another day with my girls. Stay-at-home mom is harder than I thought it was going to be. Always the first question of the day: what's for breakfast? Then: what's for lunch? Then: what's for dinner? I feel like my life is a flurry of meals and dishes, with brief intermissions for stories, lego building and more stories. I get bored. There is so much to do, but everyday blurs into another and I need something new.
Today we got it. I spent a few moments last week searching desperately for something new to do, a way to fill our time that doesn't involve food or chores or reading Olivia for the 5,000th time! Today we made it out of the house at the crack of 10:45 and went to the Children's Museum where there was a free (!) activity: Toddler Tae Kwon Do. Anna, in the way that is entirely Anna, stared wide-eyed at the other toddlers for the entire 20 minute class and at the end took off her shoes and ran to give the instructor a high-five. That's my girl.
The museum cleared out after this and Anna spent the next hour exploring every exhibit with rapture since there were no other kids around to knock her out of the way or intimidate her. I was proud watching her go to each exhibit and figure out what to do. She didn't need nor want me to interact. So, I just watched, with Claire snug on my chest dozing and nursing and pressing her heart against mine.
We needed this day. We needed a change, to step out of our routine and into a day filled with exploring and eyes anew. Let's do this again. Let's make new happen on a weekly basis. The dishes can wait.
This is my first link up with Just Write, an exercise in free writing which was started by Heather at Extraordinary Ordinary. I hope to make this a weekly occurrence (because I just had a blast writing this).