Showing posts with label Just Write. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Just Write. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Going Away

Its starting. The end, I mean.  Its finally here.  The hugs, the promises, the good-bye, good-bye, good-bye.  I never imagined it would feel like this.  The knot in my stomach like someone punched me so hard.  Its too much emotion, I can't even cry.  Can't breathe sometimes.  This is all going away.  Or, rather, we're going away.  Moving away from our life here, to a new life there.

The move seemed so far off when we made the final decision months and months ago.  It wasn't real yet, just something to look at into the future and see that change was coming.  Change is good.  We need it and want it desperately, but it doesn't change the fact that my heart is also breaking into a million pieces as the day draws nearer.  

A Missoula Bucket List, the ten things we need to cram in before we leave our town.  Only ten?  I thought there'd be more.  But, I realize, its the people that I am most desperately mourning right now.  The daily interactions, the dinner parties and girl's nights, the long walks and talks, the playing at the park and sipping coffee and having lazy moments to enjoy together.  People make the place, they were the heartbeat of our daily lives here.  We'll have new people to keep that heartbeat going for us.  Thank God.  

We crossed an item off the Bucket List today.  We finally spread her ashes, our Gretta, our best dog friend in the world.  I just know she would be totally pissed that we left her in a little wooden box on top of the piano for over a year.  I couldn't let go, my heart still aches for her.  But, girlfriend liked to be outside, so we finally sent her off today into the wind at Blue Mountain.  One of my favorite spots on earth, definitely hers.

Anna was my big helper and carried Gretta for me, she knew this was an important job.  She sat beside me as I let Gretta go and then she sat on my lap and said "Where Gretta?  Where she goed?".  And then I had to try and explain death to a two-year old.  O.M.G.

I finished work this week.  Mace is done with grad school at the end of this week.  Then we start packing.  We have too much stuff.  We have to fit our whole lives into a little Budget Rent-a-Truck and be on our merry way.  Too many emotions this week.  Too much ending and too much beginning.  We're getting through it because we have each other, and because we chose this.  We are confident in our decision and we are moving forward.  Forward, onward and into the rest of our lives.


This is my second link up with Just Write, an exercise in free writing which was started by Heather at Extraordinary Ordinary.  Come join the fun if you feel like writing free!

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Finding New

Another day with my girls.  Stay-at-home mom is harder than I thought it was going to be.  Always the first question of the day: what's for breakfast?  Then: what's for lunch? Then: what's for dinner? I feel like my life is a flurry of meals and dishes, with brief intermissions for stories, lego building and more stories.  I get bored.  There is so much to do, but everyday blurs into another and I need something new.  

Today we got it.  I spent a few moments last week searching desperately for something new to do, a way to fill our time that doesn't involve food or chores or reading Olivia for the 5,000th time!  Today we made it out of the house at the crack of 10:45 and went to the Children's Museum where there was a free (!) activity: Toddler Tae Kwon Do. Anna, in the way that is entirely Anna, stared wide-eyed at the other toddlers for the entire 20 minute class and at the end took off her shoes and ran to give the instructor a high-five.  That's my girl.  

The museum cleared out after this and Anna spent the next hour exploring every exhibit with rapture since there were no other kids around to knock her out of the way or intimidate her.  I was proud watching her go to each exhibit and figure out what to do.  She didn't need nor want me to interact.  So, I just watched, with Claire snug on my chest dozing and nursing and pressing her heart against mine.  

We needed this day.  We needed a change, to step out of our routine and into a day filled with exploring and eyes anew.  Let's do this again.  Let's make new happen on a weekly basis.  The dishes can wait.


This is my first link up with Just Write, an exercise in free writing which was started by Heather at Extraordinary Ordinary.  I hope to make this a weekly occurrence (because I just had a blast writing this).