Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Going Away

Its starting. The end, I mean.  Its finally here.  The hugs, the promises, the good-bye, good-bye, good-bye.  I never imagined it would feel like this.  The knot in my stomach like someone punched me so hard.  Its too much emotion, I can't even cry.  Can't breathe sometimes.  This is all going away.  Or, rather, we're going away.  Moving away from our life here, to a new life there.

The move seemed so far off when we made the final decision months and months ago.  It wasn't real yet, just something to look at into the future and see that change was coming.  Change is good.  We need it and want it desperately, but it doesn't change the fact that my heart is also breaking into a million pieces as the day draws nearer.  

A Missoula Bucket List, the ten things we need to cram in before we leave our town.  Only ten?  I thought there'd be more.  But, I realize, its the people that I am most desperately mourning right now.  The daily interactions, the dinner parties and girl's nights, the long walks and talks, the playing at the park and sipping coffee and having lazy moments to enjoy together.  People make the place, they were the heartbeat of our daily lives here.  We'll have new people to keep that heartbeat going for us.  Thank God.  

We crossed an item off the Bucket List today.  We finally spread her ashes, our Gretta, our best dog friend in the world.  I just know she would be totally pissed that we left her in a little wooden box on top of the piano for over a year.  I couldn't let go, my heart still aches for her.  But, girlfriend liked to be outside, so we finally sent her off today into the wind at Blue Mountain.  One of my favorite spots on earth, definitely hers.

Anna was my big helper and carried Gretta for me, she knew this was an important job.  She sat beside me as I let Gretta go and then she sat on my lap and said "Where Gretta?  Where she goed?".  And then I had to try and explain death to a two-year old.  O.M.G.

I finished work this week.  Mace is done with grad school at the end of this week.  Then we start packing.  We have too much stuff.  We have to fit our whole lives into a little Budget Rent-a-Truck and be on our merry way.  Too many emotions this week.  Too much ending and too much beginning.  We're getting through it because we have each other, and because we chose this.  We are confident in our decision and we are moving forward.  Forward, onward and into the rest of our lives.


This is my second link up with Just Write, an exercise in free writing which was started by Heather at Extraordinary Ordinary.  Come join the fun if you feel like writing free!


  1. Good luck with your move!

  2. I know much of this is sad - but try to remember the really happy thing: Your husband finished grad school!! Yay!! And, you will be closer to other extended family! Double Yay!!!

  3. Ohhh this post made me so sad, but I know wonderful things are going to happen for you!

  4. Good luck my friend, I am sure you will enjoy the experience, despite it being a little scary!


  5. I know exactly how you're feeling. We are moving back to the States in just a little over a month. It is such a bittersweet time. As I already miss so much of Israel and our life here, it is exciting to start a new chapter back in NY and close to our family. I hope your move goes well and you are able to leave with good memories and embrace all the wonderful new memories to come!

  6. I love this post! Moving away is always so hard, but I bet Gretta is happy happy! xo


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