Thursday, March 14, 2013


"This is temporary," we whisper.

This is our motto these days.

Our motto when we wake in the morning after another night of broken sleep. "Remember, this is temporary, she will learn to sleep eventually," we whisper from beneath dark covers, too exhausted to haul ourselves into the day.

Our motto when Anna tests and tests and gives us her very best toddler meltdown.  "Remember, this is temporary, she won't be two forever," we console each other, after living in a constant state of exasperation all day.

Our motto when we haven't had a date for four months and are aching for some alone time together "Remember, we will get date nights again, this is temporary.  We won't be broke forever, we will have family nearby soon." And we dream of a long, leisurely dinner with wine and dessert.

Our motto when Claire refuses to sleep in her crib but wants to curl up with me on the spare bed for an all-night nursing session.  "Remember, this is temporary, she is still so little and needs you close, she will sleep in her crib soon." And my heart aches with missing days that are not yet gone, but will be soon.  Because she will indeed sleep alone in her crib someday soon.  The days of her little belly pressed to mine, her mouth on my breast, gone forever.

Our motto when we are so busy we can barely catch our breath, "Remember, this is temporary.  Someday the girls will be grown and we will have all the time in the world." And the thought of it makes me breathless, as I acknowledge that the laughter, the shrieks and giggles, are in fact temporary. And, God, I will miss that music when its gone.  Right now we are at the beginning of our family story, but the next chapters will be here too quickly.

This is temporary...a motto that we never ever use when things are so beautiful our hearts swoon with love and life and joy.  Because those are the moments we want to live in forever and to never go away.

But, this too is temporary.

Everything. Is. Temporary.

Nothing will be awful or beautiful forever.  But the awful days will pass, and eventually we might find some beauty in them.  And the beautiful days will pass, and as much as our heart aches for those memories to be real again, we are so lucky to have lived in those perfect moments and to be allowed to carry them with us...the ones that speak so loudly to us that we can close our eyes and believe we are back there:

The day I laid eyes on Mace and knew instantly I had met my true love...
The day I married my true love...
The day we found out we were going to be parents...and the day she was born...
The day we found out we were going to be parents again...and the day she was born...

And more insignificant days that become the background music to our busy lives:

A hundred lazy Sundays spent cooking and dreaming...
Quiet evenings with a bottle of wine, a husband and a deck of cards...
And a thousand days that have slipped through our fingers unnoticed.  Nuggets of time that passed by without comment...realizing only when looking back how precious those quiet days were.   How much we wish they weren't temporary and that we could have them back to be savored as they deserved to be.

Temporary.  Everything.  Beautiful, devastating and everything in-between.

"This is temporary," we whisper.